My two month long stay at the Osho Meditation Resort in India is coming to an end this weekend. It’s bittersweet. I’m sad to go & yet excited to return to Bali after 5 months of traveling.
This “Buddha Field” has sufficiently triggered me, bringing up all the emotions I typically prefer not to feel. It’s been a great playground for spiritual growth (read: not always fun! Haha).
The wild emotional roller-coaster ride has been sprinkled with fear, anger & grief as well as joy, love & connection.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
My experiences have ranged from dancing around a dead body in the meditation hall to releasing RAGE in dynamic cathartic meditations to mornings spent dancing outdoors in the “Buddha Grove” to a live DJ.
I’ve meditated with trees, with my heartbeat, with peacocks, while speaking gibberish, to the beat of primal drums, in the jacuzzi and while shaking, jumping, screaming and dancing.
And with the arc of my experiences here coming to a close, it feels natural to continue to this sannyasa lifestyle.
Osho says that being a sannyasa means “to live life in its totality, but with an absolute condition, categorical condition: and that condition is awareness, meditation.”
Friday nights at the Osho resort are the sannyasa celebrations. And last Friday I “took sannyasin.” I’ve committed to living my life as a meditation.
Perhaps the commitment wasn’t necessary as it’s already how I try to engage with the world. This is not because of my godliness of course, haha but because it was the only logical choice for someone who had hit a bottom with chronic & extreme anxiety. There was a time when my mind was dominated by racing thoughts & fear.
Plus rituals are fun.
To back up, my journey on this path started in 2009 when I got sober. Six months later I went to India for my first time & learned to meditate. At that time, sitting still with my eyes closed for two whole minutes was near impossible. My rule was anything goes like thinking, opening eyes, screaming… as long as I remained sitting.
And it’s certainly not to say I will always be aware. Far from it. It means the difference in noticing that I am feeling anger, anxiety, frustration, lust, etc. versus acting from it.
Part of the sannyasa ceremony here is changing your name. It’s like a spiritual rebirth, letting go of the old life, and embracing the new.
My name here has been Shakti which means Divine energy or Divine feminine energy. Mmm, I like the sound of that but initially I didn’t know what it meant & just liked the way Shakti sounded.
On Friday, four of us to-be-sannyasins were called up to the plaza by our new names. We sat on cushions with our eyes closed while our fellow meditators stood nearby witnessing. The lights were dimmed and an Osho audio was played.
And I smiled deeply. I had just posted that quote of his on Facebook earlier in the day.
A live band followed the audio with a beautiful slow song.
With my eyes still closed, I prayed; “Please help me continue to wake up. Please keep guiding me on this path of awareness and awakening. Thank you!”
A few minutes later the lights flashed back on; it’s celebration time! Everyone flooded the dance floor to celebrate the new sannyasins with hugs, laughter and dancing.
And to top it off, one of my Bali besties is here with me & we got to celebrate together. I never would have guessed meditation could be so fun.
Mad Love from India